COLLAPSE THE ECONOMY

(Abajo video con subtítulos)

Studies predict that if women stopped buying cosmetic products and services, every economy in the world would collapse overnight. This is a call to collapse the economy.

Let’s cover our scented tampons in hairspray, light them on fire,
and throw them at Maybelline’s headquarters.
Let’s take all our leftover lotions and soaps
and make the world’s largest slip -n- slide down Capitol Hill.
Weight Watchers will have a whole new meaning,
like, just wait and watch as I burn this motherfucker down.

Imagine — what could we do with all these Spanx?  
Probably make some sort of catapult to launch
our skin-softening bath bombs into enemy territory.
Victoria’s Secret? Is that she’s GOING OUT OF BUSINESS.
I have picked at my body like a scab.
I have squeezed at my face in the mirror
until no more me could come out of me.
I changed my outfit eight times before I got here.

Oh you thought we were gonna stop at burning bras?
Well then you shouldn’t have given us so much flammable shit.
Tampons, pads, even you Diva Cups, will be a thing
of the past. Tonight, we paint the town red.

I’m not bleaching my asshole,
I’ll bleach you, asshole.

Are you gonna put those fake eyelashes on for me?
No? Then I don’t fucking want them.
Does that shampoo also come with the photoshop
you used on the model? No? Then I don’t fucking want it.
Fuck you, Summer’s Eve.
I’d rather my vagina NOT smell
like Island Splash or Delicate Blossom
because what the fuck does that even smell like?
That’s not even a real scent.
My vagina is already vajazzled enough.

Let’s throw out our razors
and grow our hair as long as rivers.
How beautiful it will be to take the money I spend
to be pretty for you, make my hair soft for you,
my nails like candy for you, give myself
skin cancer for you,
go under the knife for you
and stop giving the 76 cents back.

There were days i spent hours crying
in the dressing room. Days I didn’t leave
the house in case someone had a camera
for fear of becoming another before picture.

So thank you, Cosmo for giving me
472 more sex tips to completely ignore.
Thank you for all of this lipstick
to write I AM FLAWLESS on the wall.
Thank you for the cover up,
the vanishing cream.
Thank you for making us invisible
that way, you’ll never see us coming.

Slampoetry de: Olivia Gatwood & Megan Falley


*Artículo & traducción: Ladies of the Road

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